It’s been a couple of years since the term ‘Hot Girl Summer’ became a part of our everyday vocabulary when Megan Thee Stallion coined the phrase and released a mega-hit song to accompany it. In response, some butthurt frat boys (by which I mean Tom Hanks’ son) had to declare a white boy summer because, damn, it seems my gender can’t allow women to have anything. Regardless of the phrase’s origins or how much it’s used in the current slew of internet slang, there is no doubt that as soon as temperatures start to rise, the serotonin and sex drive of the youth spark at a now internalised understanding of just what it means to have a hot girl/boy summer.

Now, while hot girl/boy summer looks different for everyone, there are a few telltale signs across the board to signify that you are indeed in the midst of one such summer. You’ll be socialising more, way more, as you wake up from your winter social slumber. This will probably also be after the inevitable but painful cutting of the cord with your cuffing season cutie, so my condolences on that. Back to it, though, whether more socialising means you are at Blondie from lunch sipping on palomas and building up a sweat – just to have to yell at the German tourist you’re trying to flirt with as soon as the sun sets. Or, it simply means getting back on all of the dreaded apps, and whether you go by he/she/they or them: it’s time to get flirty, sultry, saucy, and even slutty.

This kind of behaviour comes with some sense of self-serving hedonism; that ‘controlled but slightly scary’ self-indulgence that can sometimes border on self-harming. So, today, I want to change the narrative a bit. Look, I’m as big a fan of escapist hedonism as you’re likely to meet outside a sex dungeon in a Berlin bunker, but having hot boy summered a bit too close to the sun on multiple occasions (somewhat of a modern fuckboy version of the Greek tale of Icarus, if you will) I am intimately aware of some of the fallout that mostly follows such sweet summers. Because of this, I want to set up a bit of a guide to having a hot, hot, hot summer without hating yourself or the predicament you find yourself in when April rolls around.

Photographed by Cottonbro Studio, courtesy of pexels

Here are the do’s and don’ts of being hot this summer.

First and foremost and it pains me that I have to make this such a pertinent point (but homies have made it clear that they don’t understand or don’t care). MAKE CONSENT A PRIORITY. Consent should not only be a key pillar of any relationship you’re in, but there also needs to be an ongoing understanding that consent is constantly being negotiated. Maybe you made out outside a bar, or damn, perhaps you have even slept together before. None of that means that every interaction between you and that party is consensual, no matter what. I don’t want this getting convoluted. Basically, keep your creepy little claws to yourself unless you have consent. 

This brings me nicely to the next absolute must-do: communicate. Now, I know you’re thinking, “I do”, and unfortunately, I’m here to burst your bubble. Most people reading this, me included, are rather bad communicators. So, what am I really referring to here? Well, simply put, I think it’s the bare minimum to be open and honest with your wants, needs, desires and boundaries in any newfound fling or FWB situation you find yourself in. Is the relationship strictly casual? Are you seeing other people as well? Do you want to see other people? These are all simple questions that we often get too spooked to address or to open up a conversation about in fear that we lose what we have or hurt the person we’re addressing. I can speak out of experience and a newfound understanding due to polyamory. Not knowing and the simple lack of emotional information always hurts far more. At the end of the day, communication is an unbelievably powerful tool. A way for us on an individual basis to bring another person or people into our world by explaining to them how we think, how we feel, how we can be better to them and how they try to be their best selves for us. So let’s stop the vagueness because we all know precisely what the answer is when we get asked, “So what are we?”.​

You may already be in the thick of your sexy summer and you may already have dealt with some of the dilemmas mentioned above. However, there is still one absolute non-negotiable that I think every excellent sexy summer includes, and obviously, that is lots and lots of sex. But here, I want to hammer in the point that a good hot girl/boy summer includes lots and lots of safe sex. Listen, I can’t control this, and at the end of the day, you have to do what you want to do, but consider that it’s never just you putting your health at risk. To this day, it always surprises me how few people regularly test for STIs. Let’s play a little game: When last did you test, how often do you test, and then ask when last (if ever, which is a scary thought) those around you tested? See the dilemma? I’m all about fun, but I’m all about safe fun. So here’s a little tip: if you meet a guy that says he can’t wear condoms or that they feel bad, he’s lying. And if you ever meet someone who can’t show you a recent test or isn’t willing to test, RUN. South Africa has rampant levels of STI infections across all classes and groupings – outside the ongoing HIV epidemic – so please, please, please go and get comprehensive tests done at institutions like Marie Stopes or order home testing kits from Famka or similar sites, particularly if you have multiple sexual partners.

Photographed by Tim Samuel, courtesy of pexels

You’re well on your way to having the hottest and sauciest of summers, but I want to consider one last point, and it’s precisely that: consideration. In these times, be present and considerate not only to those around you but also to yourself. Have good, well-rounded inner dialogue to check in on your emotional well-being, centre yourself in well yourself rather than all the outward distractions, and be the thing in which you route your joy. It’s safer than rooting your happiness in a surfer bro that may or may not have chlamydia. Just food for thought.

Written by: Casey Delport

For more news, visit the Connect Everything Collective homepage www.ceconline.co.za